Reading my book was an emotional roller coaster ride

roller coaster 1

A Lost Treasure

A long time ago when MTV use to play videos and VHS recorders were the coolest inventions every, I use to record my favorite music videos.

For those of you who remember, it was kind of like having a mix tape of your favorite songs. The kind where we’d always get the disc jockey talking at the beginning or the end. MTV videos were the same but Martha Quinn was so cute it didn’t really matter.


A while back I was cleaning out my old collections of odds and ends and what do you know, there they were. I converted my old videos to DVD’s to keep the memories safe but as time passed they became lost and forgotten.

Doing what I always do when I have a project in mind, I found something shiny and traveled in another direction. This particular shiny thing were my old videos.

Instantly I was taken back in time.


Was this a bad idea?

No, not like John Cusack in The Hot Tub Time Machine, but emotionally. Every video, regardless of song, sparked a mood that I was in on that particular day. Interesting enough, it was not the same emotion I felt when I heard the song on the radio.

Yes. I probably need to be part of a medical experiment.


Something Happened

Last week I shared with you my experience of the day my books arrived. Soon after that fun day I sat down and read my book. It was the first time I ever read it as an actual reader. Instantly I was taken back in the same way the music videos took me.

Chapter One I was happy and confident. Chapter Two frustrated. Chapter Three contained a series of mixed emotions and so on and so on. You can only imagine my mental state when I finished.

I recognized the major rewrites and the minor ones. I spotted the battles I won with my editors, along with the ones I lost. At one point I had to put the book down and walk away.


A one time thing?

I have four more books in my head and if I’m able to write them I’m curious if they will affect me the same way. Or was this nothing more than a rookie experience?

Whatever the future holds, I will say this, when it comes to creating something the end result may always be an emotional roller coaster. At least for me. 


30 thoughts on “Reading my book was an emotional roller coaster ride

  1. You are not alone in experiencing this; I, too, have felt this way albeit with an unpublished, unfinished manuscript in my experience, but feelings are the same. It’s surreal isn’t it?

    Now, how can I get my hands on a signed copy? 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Every now and then I will read one of my books as a reader. I find it a fun experience when I can sit back and simply enjoy the story without all the trauma of what went into its creation. It’s like a reward for staying the course.
    I say embrace what you’ve created and enjoy the tale. You’ve earned that right!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “I found something shiny and traveled in another direction.” Yea…
    It’s impossible to detach yourself from your work like that and be a random, first-time-reader. Of course you’re going to feel differently about it all.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Reading your own book can be emotional to say the least. But it’s like watching yourself on television, you get to see a side of yourself you never thought you’d see. In this case read, I can’t wait to read it, I ordered my copy yesterday on Amazon! A paperback copy, no Kindle for me, WooHoo!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I go back to some of my older blog posts and get mixed emotions cause I remember what I was feeling when I wrote it. Reading your own book has to be like that times 1000. But it sounds like such an awesome experience!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The feeling I have holding it in my hand is amazing. The emotions I felt with each chapter surprised me. I think as time goes on I’ll understand it a lot more. You mentioned your past blogs, you are so right on that. Your blog is your book and with each post a different emotion comes from it. Pretty amazing when I think about it.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I had the exact same thing happen to me with the first book, so much so that I must have gone over the second manuscript dozens of times, finding every little error and revising until the cows came home. Still, I know when I read it as a reader for the first time, there will be something I’ll regret–I just hope it’s nothing too big:-)

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  7. I so miss the MTV of the 80s. MTV doesn’t hardly have any music-related programming left that I can see… it’s all drama-related programming. They should change it DTV, although I think that’s already being used in a number ways.
    Ah, the mixed emotions of writing… one thing I love about blogging is that I can read through old posts and edit them or delete them when I just feel completely embarrassed by what I’ve written. Print is so permanent… still I think it’s something most writers (including me) still aspire to.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your writing is so solid. You will achieve whatever you want.

      As for MTV: At least we have Youtube and some private collectors like me. There’s always that moment where we can travel back in time.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I totally had VHS tapes filled with my favorite videos, except they’re taped from Much Music, which was the Canadian equivalent of MTV. When you were describing how you felt while reading your baby, I totally felt those emotions along with you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Raimey. It’s such a strong and personal emotion, isn’t it. I must say, it took me by surprise. As for your VHS tapes, convert them over. Those are priceless. They are a wonderful piece of history.


  9. Ah, thanks for the nice words. Yes, I’m glad for Youtube so I can go back and watch all my favorite hair band vids from back in the day. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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