To all of my dear friends in Australia – You have some nasty spiders.
I have a problem
I have Arachnophobia.
I am not 100% messed up, just 75%. True me on this, I worked out the numbers. On the bright side I actually have a history of kindness towards these scary little creatures.
I guess that’s where the 25% comes in.
I have spared small spiders, skinny ones and numerous daddy-long-legs. There is an argument that they are not actually spiders but I’m going to say they are.
Just last week a small garden spider found her way near our front door and cast a beautiful web near the light switch. Knowing location is everything and this being a poor one, I grabbed the nearest plastic cup and took her outside to a nearby tree.
These are nice stories and equally nice rescues on my behalf but if I spot a thick body spider running across my floor I will flatten it like a discarded pancake.
If you’re a spider and you happen to be reading this…first of all thank you for the follow…I have no problem if you do your thing outside, but the moment you make my home yours, well, we have a problem.
Minding my own business
Yesterday morning I was at ease at my kitchen table outlining novel number two. I was in a nice zone, writing an equally nice scene.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw something. It only took a second to know what it was.
I’m not sure this is the kind I saw but you get the idea.
I have had my gold star days when it comes to good deeds and as I have noted spiders are a part of them. When the girls were little they became huge fans of Charlotte’s Web. As luck would have it a giant egg sack full of baby Charlotte’s hatched in our garage.
Under the guidance of my four and six year old daughter’s, yours truly found a safe home for all the babies in a nearby bush. I was so proud.
But on this particular night as I worked on novel number two there were no good deeds to be found as an ugly black and white spider dashed across my pages.
The spider dodged the killing machine otherwise known as a paperback. Within seconds the thick body sprinter disappeared.
Do Spiders think about me?
I often wonder if spiders can think. Do they have days where they’re happy, sad or bored? Do they self-medicate by way of a blackberry root, do they join up at the local water cooler and share lies about their day?
I doubt we’ll ever know the answer to these important questions but there is one thing I do know: That annoying black and white pest had a sick sense of humor.
Later that day after a good day of writing I settled into my favorite easy chair for a late afternoon read. Ten minutes into my adventure the star of my blog flashed his black and whites across our walls.
Was he near my feet? Was he on my chair? Wherever he was he could now be located inches from the ceiling directly over my head.
With my book as my weapon I paused and secretly admired his versatility while hoping to squash him like a grape.
As the day moved to evening we spent our remaining hours watching our favorite show. Halfway through we noticed the lead character appear unaffected as an ugly bug danced across her face.
Realizing it was my old friend I sat helpless as the little beast touched the entire screen like a ballet dance on center stage.
I was pretty sure it was following me. I don’t know why it chose me. Clearly I’m not the one to make friends with especially if you know my condition. But somehow we were bonding in the most unusual way.
A final farewell
With the wife and kids calling it a night I spent my final hour of the evening in the exact location where I began. But this time there was one added feature:
A large plastic cup.
As I was about to call it quits I spied him. Edge of the table near a spare envelope just north of the water bill. It was about this time that the theme song to Gun Fight at the OK corral appeared –not really but you get the idea.
With the plastic cup in my hand and my eyes focused I readied myself for the next move.
We seemed to be deadlocked in a staring match. The only question: Who would blink first?
Suddenly the little guy made his move sprinting east like a sprinter stealing second. In one swift move the plastic cup came crashing down followed by the envelope containing the water bill underneath.
A minute later my little black and white friend was scurrying away into the unknown otherwise known as our backyard.
I would like to think he turned and waved as the adventures to our day came to a happy end. Being a writer I guess I can make that up and say that he did and you being a reader can pretend it was true.
Now that’s my kind of spider.
Happy Friday Everyone!!!!