Books and Mistakes
The other day I made the mistake of having a conversation with someone who doesn’t read.
Now that doesn’t mean I won’t talk to you if you don’t read, but I will be careful with the subject I choose.
I told him that I wrote a book. Mistake number one. I than told him the plot of my book. Mistake number two. Don’t get me wrong, my friends a good guy. He means well but his interests are narrow and if you go outside the lines you will remember to never do it again. Mistake number three.
Iron Man Overdose
My friend is a huge Iron Man fan. Not the comics per se, but the movie franchise. Over the last nine years Iron Man has pretty much dominated our conversations. Now, I enjoy Iron Man but not at my friends level.
Still, I do what friends do, and play along.
My biggest blunder was confessing that my book was a romantic/comedy. After a long pause, mixed with an uncomfortable stare, he begin to give me advice.
You need to blow things up, he said. A house, a car, an entire city. Whatever it is, blow it sky high and remember….there has to be death. Lots of death. Every chapter kill someone.
Intrigued by this I asked him to continue.
You need a hulk-like figure. Make him cool, like the dude on screen and make sure he throws someone through a wall.
Keep going, I said. I had to see where this was going.
Know your physics, he demanded. That Iron Man guy knows this stuff.
When I asked him if he knew anything about physics the answer was a quick no. With the physics portion out of the way the topic quickly turned to women.
They have to be sexy as hell, he said. Study Scarlett Johansson or add a photo of her.
Of course. I’m sure she’d be thrilled.
And finally, he concluded, add lots of pictures.
To summarize, my friend suggested I do away with my romantic/comedy novel and replace it with a plagiarized version of Iron Man. Complete with a direct copy of Scarlett Johannsson, very little dialog and lots of pictures.
Aside from Iron Man, my friend is a huge car racing fan. Car racing is not my thing. Thankfully Iron Man re-energized our friendship giving us something to talk about.
But what if I turned the tables? What if I peppered my friend with suggestions the same way he did with me? I have a feeling it would go something like this:
Race car engines are really loud
- Need to quiet things down a bit.
- Allow the fans to hear themselves think.
- Two Words: hearing loss.
- Communication issues between spectators.
- Pretty sure this loud car stuff is all for show.
Way to many cars
- Have you thought about bringing the number down?
- Six tops.
- Have it be more like a track meet.
- Wait, I’ve got an idea.
Combine car racing with track
- Drivers could sprint to their cars.
- Use a baton like they do in track.
- Probably a terrible idea but exciting.
Why so many laps?
- After a half an hour of watching cars race in a circle I’m bored.
- Have you thought of a square track instead?
- If square doesn’t work how about trapezoid?
- Irregular Quadrilateral? Hexagon?
In the end if any of you have that one friend that doesn’t get what you do, try to keep them around. They mean well and they’re reliable. The trick is to finding that one thing that both of you get. It all comes down to a friendly balance.
Now if you’ll excuse me, Iron Man and his sidekicks are calling.
Happy Friday Everyone!!!